Volume 1

Welcome to Witch Weekly – the number one place for all of the hot and steamy VQL news and gossip!

  • Issue 5

    Have you voted for S8 awards yet? Cast your votes for your peers (or yourself, if you think you deserve it!) now! https://forms.gle/NQJUe3DT5wKWGgV96 

    Last Week in Games

    We’re getting down to the wire, so there were only two games this week, both semifinals, and both pretty close games. Knockturn Alleycats, the only team in the final four to have used zero elixirs all season, defeated Shacklebolts. And despite several missed shots, PatrOWNus ended up winning against Saltypuffs Unite after coming back from 20-60 to force overtime. A very juiced-up Bem came in clutch to secure the win. 

    This Week In Games

    Shacklebolts face Saltypuffs Unite in the consolation final. This will be the fifth time these teams go head to head. In S6, they faced each other in consolation as well, with the Puffs taking the L. Lava continues to be an obstacle, but Shacklebolts have the lowest fall-in ratio (~14%), so maybe that luck will continue in the last game. Just like how the Puffs’ luck with having the most goal saves may also continue.

    The S8 final game is between Knockturn Alleycats and PatrOWNus, facing each other for the third time ever. Both teams have made it to the finals before, but while the Alleycats lost to Butterbears in S4, PatrOWNus won against Dead Sirius in S6. These two teams are fairly even when it comes to beating stats, but Knockturn Alleycats have one of the highest lava fall-in ratios (~26%) and PatrOWNus hasn’t had great luck with scoring. It’ll surely be an exciting game on Monday!

    Where In The World Is Susan Bones?

    Click above to get your own Susan Bones postcards…

    This week, Susan is in Wales! What a majestic place it is! With all its castles and history, Susan constantly feels like she’s been sent back in time! In Northern Wales is the famous town of Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch. She’s been practicing pronunciation all week. Do you think she can say it right? She’s having a good time.

  • Issue 4

    Last Week in Games

    Knockturn Alleycats beat out Brooms Of Doom and became the only team to win all 3 prelim games this season! Congrats! Despite using 8 elixirs and not conceding a single goal, Tyrannosaurus Hex tragically lost to $wagrid in a pretty quick game. And $wagrid almost won again the following night, but Shacklebolts just managed to pull off a win. And in the last prelim game of the season, Dead Sirius won against Eliter Beater who did not score a single goal all season. This is a VQL first. 

    Fun fact: In that last prelim game, Dead Sirius became the first team this entire season to use more elixirs than the opposing team and win the game, ending what was quietly dubbed ‘The Elixir Curse.’

    This Week In Games

    Playoffs start this week with semifinals. The four teams fighting for the season title are Knockturn Alleycats (2nd time making it to semifinals), Saltypuffs Unite (4th time making it to semifinals), Shacklebolts (3rd time making it to semifinals), and PatrOWNus (2nd time making it to semifinals). PatrOWNus is the only team from this group to have previously come in first place.

    The first game will be between Knockturn Alleycats and Shacklebolts in their second-ever matchup together. The last time they played was back in S3 when the Alleycats were from Diagon. Shacklebolts lost that game. Then the Saltypuffs will take on PatrOWNus for the second time this season. These two have faced off three times previously in the playoffs, with Saltypuffs Unite winning two of them.

    Where In The World Is Susan Bones?

    Click above to get your own Susan Bones postcards…

    This week, Susan is in Sweden! She’s a big ABBA fan, so she’s excited to breathe their air. Sweden is more than meatballs, though Susan isn’t a huge fan of seafood. However, there was one cool fish-free dish called Bruna Bönor that she tried and loved. Tomorrow she’s going to explore Stockholm. She’s having a good time.

  • Issue 3

    Last Week in Games

    In their first game, $wagrid delivered yet another shutout unto Eliter Beater. The defensive strategy doesn’t seem to be paying off for them. Despite using a whopping 15 elixirs in one game, Tyrannosaurus Hex still lost to PatrOWNus, though it was a close game. Tyrannosaurus Hex also racked up 10 critical fails in that one game (Cadmus is the only player on that team who hasn’t critically failed). Lastly, Knockturn Alleycats denied Saltypuffs of three prelim wins with a 40-30 score in the quickest game of the season so far at 28 minutes.

    This Week In Games

    This is the final week of prelim games before the top four teams advance to playoffs! Both Knockturn Alleycats and Brooms Of Doom are undefeated so far, but they face off on Tuesday, meaning only one can have that perfect record. Also in the running for a coveted playoff spot is The Three Boomsticks and PatrOWNus, who each have a win and play on Wednesday. $wagrid will be playing in back-to-back games against Tyrannosaurus Hex and Shacklebolts. All three of these teams have one win, so competition for more to get in the running will be spicy. And closing out the week with the final prelim game is Dead Sirius against Eliter Beater on Saturday. Dead Sirius does not hold back in games, so Eliter Beater may be in for another scoreless whooping. 

    Where In The World Is Susan Bones?

    Click above to get your own Susan Bones postcards…

    This week, Susan is in Peru! Obviously, she hiked up to Machu Picchu. And she wasn’t alone! She was joined by her good buddy Angelina Johnson, which made the trip that much better! It was quite warm in Peru, so Susan cooled off in the gorgeous blue waters of Lake Titicaca. She’s having a good time.

  • Issue 2

    Reminder for you wonderful Witch Weekly subscribers: though the third Lakitu isn’t ‘lit’, you do have the option to use all three in a game. The third one is greyed out and remains greyed out so your opponent or YouTube viewers can’t at a glance know who is and isn’t a subscriber.

    Last Week in Games

    Despite both teams being hesitant to leap over lava, Brooms Of Doom delivered a harsh shutout to Eliter Beater, winning 80-0. In Wednesday’s game, Shacklebolts won against Ravenclobber and is, by some miracle, the only team to have never fallen into the lava. 

    Scoring seems to be a struggle for a few teams. PatrOWNus missed 7 of their 12 shots on Thursday, and in the forfeit game, both Tyrannosaurus Hex and the moderator-led $wagrid missed several times before managing to get on the board.

    OG teams Dead Sirius and SaltyPuffs Unite played their fifth-ever game against each other with each team winning two going into the match-up, but the Puffs came out victorious with an 80-40 win. 

    This Week In Games

    Ravenclobber and The Three Boomsticks play for the first time ever this week, while Brooms Of Doom will face Shacklebolts, who previously knocked them out of the upper bracket in S5. On Wednesday $wagrid will play their first game against Eliter Beater, but who knows if Eliter Beater will manage even one goal…

    Where In The World Is Susan Bones?

    Click above to get your own Susan Bones postcards…

    This week, Susan is in Norway! She thinks it’s funny because ‘norway’ sounds like an Australian saying ‘no way.’ Susan was thrilled to see the northern lights the other day. It really made her feel powerful. The colours were so vivid and magical. Later she’s seeing some fjords. She’s having a good time.

  • Issue 1

    What Are S8 Teams Looking Like?

    Stats are at the forefront of everyone’s minds when drafting. Here’s what’s up with the S8 teams: Tyrannosaurus Hex, Brooms of Doom, and Eliter Beater have the most Strength, and those Goths on Brooms Of Doom are also pretty accurate. $wagrid and Eliter Beater have the most Agility, and the SaltyPuffs are the Speediest. Of course, stats aren’t everything, so may the dice rolls be in your favour!

    This Week In Games

    This first week of S8 games will see a lot of fun matchups. Shacklebolts are probably looking to not get Ravenclobbered again after last losing to them twice way back in the S5 (and one of those was in the finals). The Three Boomsticks will face off against the Knockturn Alleycats for the first time ever during regular play, and last season’s Most Intimidating team, Tyrannosaurus Hex, will take on $wagrid, returning to action this season and now under new management. 

    The first game of the season actually happened to be the 200th game of the VQL, which is very exciting! Thank you everyone for playing and getting us to such a fun milestone! 

    Where In The World Is Susan Bones?

    Click above to get your own Susan Bones postcards…

    This week, Susan is in China! Her first excursion was to the Great Wall Of China, where she walked the whole thing. Twice. She’s just that strong and fast. After that, she visited around Beijing, where they’re setting up for the next Olympics. It’s not very cold yet, but there’ll be ice put in soon. She’s having a good time.