Welcome to Witch Weekly – the number one place for all of the hot and steamy VQL news and gossip!
- Issue 5
Last Week in Games
Durmstrangers and Shacklebolts started the week with a quick game. It was only 7 rounds, but both teams managed to complete two formations and score twice. A lucky Snitch catch gave Shacklebolts their third win and a ticket to the playoffs.
The next game between Saltypuffs Unite and PatrOWNus was a lot more eventful. Lightning struck PatrOWNus twice and the Puffs once, and the Puffs also got a whopping three concussions from falling on ice. In the end, PatrOWNus won 90-60.
Dead Sirius and Three Boomsticks had a close, low-scoring game. Dead Sirius’ Seeker Graham Montague failed on 3 early Snitch catches but eventually caught it in round 13 to end the game with a 50-30 win.
And the last prelim game was between Brooms of Doom and Tyrannosaurus Hex. You can’t tell from the score, but T-Hex went on a ruthless rampage of pain. Their Beater Sally-Anne Perks got juiced up from festive formations and racked up 14 beats, which is more than any other team all season. So Brooms of Doom spent a lot of time in their own Keeper Zone trying to get back into play. They went on to end their suffering and caught the Snitch to end the game with a loss (though a close one). Tyrannosaurus Hex won 70-60.
This Week in Games – Playoffs
The qualifying teams for the Season 13 playoffs are as follows:
- Shacklebolts got in as the top ranked team. They’re the only team to win all three games this season. This is their fifth semifinals appearance, but they’ve yet to finish first.
- Tyrannosaurus Hex makes it in as the second top ranked team. They also happen to have the most beats (26) and the most completed festive formations (12) so a playoff spot was sure to happen for them somehow. They’ve made it to semifinals five times before, and have won twice–in the first Festive Formations season (S3) and also in S11.
- Knockturn Alleycats gets in for most beats (behind T-Hex, of course) with 12 beats total. They’ve only won one season (S8).
- And lastly, Saltypuffs Unite make it in for best use of theme. Despite not winning a game during prelims and in fact being the bottom ranked team, they did a lot of formations, and did not shy away from ice (even after 3 concussions in one game…they’re on thin ice). Like Shacklebolts, they’ve never won a season, but have made it close several times.
The first semifinal game will be between Knockturn Alleycats and Tyrannosaurus Hex. They played already this season, and T-Hex won. In fact, the Alleycats have never beat T-Hex, though they’ve only played each other twice before.
Shacklebolts and Saltypuffs Unite will play second on Tuesday. This is their 8th time facing each other, and currently, Shacklebolts has a 57% win rate. These two teams also played already this season, and obviously, Shacklebolts won. Shacklebolts are concussion free, whereas a 4 or lower on an ice roll will send the Puffs back to hoops.
Keep an eye on the #schedule channel in Discord for when the Consolation and Final games will be this week.
It’s Voting Time!
Since S13 playoffs are happening this week, it’s officially voting time. Please take a minute to fill out the form to cast your votes and give any feedback you may have. Voting will close Friday. Click here to vote!
Rita Writes It Right
After many exciting seasons as a player in the VQL, famous writer and journalist Rita Skeeter is taking a season off and returning to her written roots. But she’s done with cheap gossip. We at Witch Weekly are excited to announce that Rita will be running the advice column and helping solve some problems. Send her an owl if you want her advice!
Dear Rita,
Gosh, I’m just having such a great time! VQL is the best! It’s the perfect place for me to have fun, be a little competitive, and play with friends! When I joined the league, I was a little shy and unsure, but look at me now! Thriving! Oh, gosh, I don’t even have a question to ask! I’m sorry!
Sincerely, Tickled PinkDear Tickled Pink,
I’m glad to hear you’re having fun! I also agree that VQL is a great place to be and a wonderful sport to be involved in. In fact, I do miss it a lot. Okay, it’s decided. I am done with the advice column stuff, and I’m going back to the game! See you on the field!
Sincerely, Rita Skeeter
- Issue 4
Last Week in Games
Saltypuffs Unite and The Three Boomsticks started the week with pain. The Puffs got hit by lightning three times and the Boomsticks fell into lava twice. But at least it wasn’t a long game as Quirrell caught the Snitch on his first attempt and won the game for Boomsticks 20-60.
Knockturn Alleycats and Tyrannosaurus Hex played a neck-in-neck very high-scoring game. And the excitement didn’t stop there as the Alleycats also got their first concussion on ice with their Seeker no less, just as she was about to head toward a doable Snitch grab. In the end, Tyrannosaurus Hex managed a Snitch catch and won the game 120-100.
Shacklebolts and $wagrid had a nice, short game with Shacklebolts getting an early Snitch catch and win. But there was enough time for $wagrid to their second concussion, which was spicy.
And closing the week out was PatrOWNus and Brooms Of Doom. Each team completed two formations. PatrOWNus’ beloved Bem played Seeker and caught the Snitch and won 80-40.
This Week in Games
This is the last week of prelims, so it’s everyone’s last chance to secure a spot in playoffs. Remember, even some good beats can get you in, even if your team overall is beaten.
For the seventh time, Durmstranglers will play Shacklebolts, who are undefeated so far. A third win here will give them a good chance of getting into playoffs.
And also for the seventh time, Saltypuffs Unite and PatrOWNus will play. Each team has won 50% of games against the other, but the Puffs are currently the only team to not have a win under their belts this season.
Dead Sirius and The Three Boomsticks will play for the 3rd time. They also have won 50% of games against each other (Dead Sirius won most recently in the S7 semi-finals). The Three Boomsticks are undefeated this season, so they’ll definitely be looking for a nice, quick win.
To close out the prelims, Brooms Of Doom and Tyrannosaurus Hex will face off. These two teams have only played once before way back in S3 (the first Festive Formations season). Both teams have one loss and one win here in S13.
Rita Writes It Right
After many exciting seasons as a player in the VQL, famous writer and journalist Rita Skeeter is taking a season off and returning to her written roots. But she’s done with cheap gossip. We at Witch Weekly are excited to announce that Rita will be running the advice column and helping solve some problems. Send her an owl if you want her advice!
Dear Rita,
I think I’m pretty smart. I did well in school and all that. And though math wasn’t really taught at Hogwarts, I think I have a decent understanding of what the Muggles call ‘Physics’. I defy it. I’m dead. Literally a ghost. So how the heck am I playing quidditch? How can I hold the balls? It kind of disturbs me, if I’m being honest.
Sincerely, White as a GhostDear White As A Ghost,
Don’t worry about it! As you know, with magic there are some things that can’t be explained! It’s fine! It’s fun! And I’m not just saying that because I can’t explain some things. I know what I’m about to say goes against my journalistic nature, but sometimes it’s better not to question things and just enjoy life…or, in your case, afterlife.
Sincerely, Rita Skeeter
- Issue 3
Last Week in Games
The week started with Knockturn Alleycats and Durmstranglers both trying their hardest at beating. However, only Alleycats had good luck with that. They racked up 8 whereas their opponents only made 3. And the good luck continued as the Alleycats caught the Snitch and won 60-30.
On Wednesday, Tyrannosaurus Hex and Dead Sirius played a very dramatic game. Not only did both teams get hit by lightning, but they also both got a concussion on the ice. And Dead Sirius’ Montague could have had an easy Snitch grab but a critical fail extended the game. In the end, Dead Sirius fought their way back to a 100-70 win.
PatrOWNus and Three Boomsticks ended the week. Formations and lightning strikes were abundant. It took Quirrel four attempts to catch the Snitch for Three Boomsticks to win 120-90.
This Week in Games
Saltypuffs Unite and Three Boomsticks will play their fifth game. Boomsticks have only won once before against the Puffs.
Next are Knockturn Alleycats and Tyrannosaurus Hex. The last time they played was in S10 where T-Hex won.
For the second time ever, $wagrid and Shacklebolts will play. The last time they faced each other, it was S9 and the game went into overtime.
Ending the week is PatrOWNus and Brooms Of Doom. PatrOWNus has a 67% win ratio against Brooms Of Doom. Aside from in the 2021 Championship Consolation Final, the last time these two teams played a regular-season game was way back in S3…the first Festive Formations season!
Rita Writes It Right
After many exciting seasons as a player in the VQL, famous writer and journalist Rita Skeeter is taking a season off and returning to her written roots. But she’s done with cheap gossip. We at Witch Weekly are excited to announce that Rita will be running the advice column and helping solve some problems. Send her an owl if you want her advice!
Dear Rita,
I’ve been in the VQL for a while, but haven’t been drafted every season. I sit and wait for my name to be called, but sometimes it never does. I guess I do know why: some seasons I am not at my physical peak. What can I do about this?
Sincerely, Black SheepDear Black Sheep,
First of all, do not worry! You are not getting kicked out of the VQL ever! Like a lot in life, things are random. The number of teams, the stats, the rolls. Just stick with it and know that seasons only last about a month and then there’s a chance for a new position. And if you find yourself with free time, explore a hobby! I write. I know that girl Susan Bones did some travelling. You’ll be okay!
Sincerely, Rita Skeeter
- Issue 2
Last Week in Games
The first game of the season was between Saltypuffs Unite and Shacklebolts. The Puffs had pretty good luck in terms of shooting and rolling dice and avoiding lightning, but they couldn’t compete with Gordon Pummel I catching the Snitch on the first try for Shacklebolts.
Durmstranglers and Dead Sirius played next, and they both leaned hard into the theme. Five formations were used in the first seven rounds. Durmstranglers were fighting hard for revenge from their last game against Dead Sirius, and a lucky portal slide resulted in an early Snitch catch and an 80-60 win for the team.
And while Saltypuffs had good luck this week, the Knockturn Alleycats did not. In their game against $wagrid, they had 4 missed shots, 6 crit fails, and 2 missed beats. And while they did catch the Snitch, it forced overtime, where $wagrid managed to score first to end their losing streak.
$wagrid played again on Sunday against Brooms of Doom. Despite their efforts, $wagrid couldn’t complete any formation. And despite Brooms of Doom’s Seeker Winky critically failing against Snitch tosses three times, they caught the Snitch and won the game 50-30.
This Week in Games
First, Durmstranglers will take on Knockturn Alleycats. The Alleycats have won against this team before when they were Ravenclobber and Hedwin, so we’ll see if the name change can help Durmstranglers this time.
Next, Tyrannosaurus Hex will play Dead Sirius on Wednesday. In their 4 past faceoffs, Dead Sirius won 75% of them, but T-Hex did win the most recent one, the S11 finals.
And lastly is a rematch of the S12 finals: PatrOWNus and The Three Boomsticks will play for the 7th time. PatrOWNus has an 83% win rate here.
Rita Writes It Right
After many exciting seasons as a player in the VQL, famous writer and journalist Rita Skeeter is taking a season off and returning to her written roots. But she’s done with cheap gossip. We at Witch Weekly are excited to announce that Rita will be running the advice column and helping solve some problems. Send her an owl if you want her advice!
Dear Rita,
Nothing pisses me off more than a bad game, ya know? I’m out there on the field hustling my hardest, and what do I get for it? Bad rolls. Critical fails. Getting hit by lightning?! It makes me so mad and I feel like I let down my team and my coaches. What can I do?
Sincerely, Seeing RedDear Seeing Red,
The answer is the first word of your letter: Nothing! Bad rolls and unlucky twists of fate are just part of the game, as much as it sucks. Take it from me. It may not seem like it, but every team experiences it at some point. And though teams try to reject the bad luck with superstitions and prayers, no one is free from a bad day. My advice is to eat a piece of bread and calm down. You’ll feel better and can start simply having fun, as that’s the name of the game.
Sincerely, Rita Skeeter.
- Issue 1
Team Overview
The Season 13 draft saw a lot of teams with standing team themes give it up, at least partially. The characters once again had stats to start. PatrOWNus has the highest overall team stats and Brooms of Doom has the lowest, but even the lowest isn’t in the negatives. PatrOWNus also has the highest Strength overall with Dead Sirius having the lowest. However, Dead Sirius comes in on top for Accuracy with Brooms of Doom as the lowest. In terms of Agility, $wagrid is the dodgiest and there’s a three-way tie between Saltypuffs Unite, Tyrannosaurus Hex, and Dead Sirius for lowest. And Saltypuffs Unite have the most Speed while everyone else is basically tied for the lowest. But the Festive Formations will be game-changers, and not just for scores, as they all affect stats in some way, so be sure to use them this season!
This Week in Games
The week will begin with Shacklebolts and Saltypuffs Unite playing their 7th game against each other. Their most recent face off was in S9 and Shacklebolts took the win.
Wednesday will see Dead Sirius take on Durmstranglers (previously known as Hedwin). The last time Dead Sirius played against a team with this management was back in Season 10 when Dead Sirius won by 100 points, so this will be a tough first game for this new team.
For the first time ever, Knockturn Alleycats will play $wagrid to end the week. $wagrid is looking for their first non-forfeit win in 7 months (this is the longest losing streak in VQL history. Even Eliter Beater didn’t go this long).
Rita Writes It Right
After many exciting seasons as a player in the VQL, famous writer and journalist Rita Skeeter is taking a season off and returning to her written roots. But she’s done with cheap gossip. We at Witch Weekly are excited to announce that Rita will be running the advice column and helping solve some problems. Send her an owl if you want her advice!
Dear Rita,
I play in the VQL. Usually Chaser but sometimes Beater. I think I’m a good player, but I’ve yet to be on a first place team. My team always comes up short. I see some players like Eloise Midgen win on three different teams. I want to be as good as her. What can I (or my team) do to secure a spot on top?
Sincerely, Green With EnvyDear Green With Envy,
It is understandable that you want to be on a first place team as you seem like a dedicated player. As you know, to qualify for playoffs, there are a few ways in. You could be one of two top-ranked teams. But don’t fear if your team never seems to place. Using the season’s theme the best is also an option. Or you could do the most Beating. This is what I advise. I have a friend who works in the stats and records department of the VQL, and I have been informed that for the past few seasons, it’s been a very close race to be the top Beating team. And what’s more, this race was between teams that didn’t even think they stood a chance in this category. Never discount yourself or your teammates, and hopefully one day you’ll come out victorious. If it makes you feel any better, I haven’t been on a first place team either.
Sincerely, Rita Skeeter
Virtual Quidditch League 